We can all agree this last year has been a complete doozy. But a different doozy then we have experienced before.
When I think about where I was at a year ago, it almost seems surreal. It was a new type of fear to live in. Adjusting to the unknown, trying to hold hope, but to also be realistic. The loneliness was hard to grapple with. The transition into motherhood was dark and isolated. It was hard to relate in a real way to people about things I couldn’t even understand. The tension of the world and the tension within me made me cynical and sad.
When I look back at my life before the pandemic, I am just in awe of the breakneck speed I was living at. I was busy all day, almost every evening and each weekend was usually booked. After living a year of things moving in slow motion, I can’t imagine going back to that. Especially now with a very active baby.
Now we are in this new phase of COVID world, where there’s a lot of hope juxtaposed by the hopelessness of the heartbreak in our country. We are all still very much in a grieving season. Grieving for lives, for connection, for peace. But in this season, we can still see the horizon. The illusive “normal”.
The Usual Overwhelm
Before COVID and since COVID, overwhelm has been a theme for my life. Even though there has been moments of thriving in the midst of it, I have been just moving from one overwhelming day to another for years now. As we move away from this craziness, I am learning we are moving to a new, different type of overwhelm.
I have often wondered what a “normal” transition into motherhood would’ve looked like for me. I have also wondered what this year would’ve looked like without pregnancy and being a new parent. I truly can’t imagine what those paths would have looked like, but I am thankful for the path God set me on.
Don’t Look to Far Ahead
As things slowly move back to a world without COVID, I am trying to adapt to the overwhelm that is coming again. I don’t know exactly what it will look like. I don’t know what I’ll be doing or what I will be overwhelmed with, but I know it’s coming.
I have taken comfort in Jesus’ words this past year to help get through the lonely, the hard, the good, the overwhelming days.
Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.Matthew 6:33-34
My task is to just worry about today. Tomorrow’s overwhelm is it’s own problem.