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I’ve Lost Myself

After this last year of COVID and becoming a mom, I’m having a hard time finding who I am. I have historically been a pretty self-aware person. I am aware of my flaws and can allow myself to see my strengths. (Sometimes) I can feel myself in a group of people and seen how to…

Adjusting to the Overwhelm

We can all agree this last year has been a complete doozy. But a different doozy then we have experienced before. When I think about where I was at a year ago, it almost seems surreal. It was a new type of fear to live in. Adjusting to the unknown, trying to hold hope, but…

Holding on to Guilt

Can I talk to you about Mom guilt? It might be a phrase you have heard before, but let me paint a picture of what it is looking like in my life. My dear, sweet daughter takes the worst naps. I do everything I can to get her to sleep well. Dark room, white noise,…

We Are All Keeping Secrets

I told Russell today that I felt like I was keeping a secret from my long distance best friend. She’s coming home to stay and live here soon, so this reality of being found out is a hard one to swallow. It’s not either of our faults. I had a baby, she was making a…

Need for Connection

This year has had me question so much. Pregnancy was exhausting, humbling and frustrating. COVID has left little room for taking a breath. Parenthood has taken away my control and restructured my life. There is one theme I have felt deeply for years that has come to a peak. There has been a lack of…

How Becoming a Parent Has Helped Me Appreciate My Flaws

I have a long list of insecurities, as most of us do. I have always hated my brown eyes. In my life long pursuit of being unique, my brown eyes have always kept me solidly in the “common” category. My mixture of Polynesian and European creates this lovely phenomenon of hair. I have an insanely…

Aspen Leaves

I did one of my favorite things a few weeks ago. I went up to the mountains to look at the aspen leaves that have changed to yellow. It’s a big event for us here in Colorado and I have always relished the beauty that fall brings here. Now this year we had a cranky…

Many Days Like This

Today was not my best parenting day. It’s not because I snapped or got too emotional or really anything that bad. But I know that I want on my A-game. I’m still so freshly new to this parenting thing. I’m surprised I haven’t gotten to this place sooner. I know that there will be many…

Becoming a Parent in a Pandemic

I have a 5 week old. What a weird amount of time that is. It feels like it flew by, but it also feels like it’s taken forever to get here. I know that 5 weeks is nothing in the grand scheme of my daughter’s life, but it still has held so much in that…

Day 5 as a Mother

I have really dreaded being a mother. To have a little being that I’m responsible for, that needs ME all day long. It made all of my selfishness shine. But here I am. Day 5 of it, and it’s not even like I made a choice. I just became what I am. My sweet baby…

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