I have a 5 week old. What a weird amount of time that is. It feels like it flew by, but it also feels like it’s taken forever to get here. I know that 5 weeks is nothing in the grand scheme of my daughter’s life, but it still has held so much in that short time.
She was born. We stayed in the hospital and experienced our first days of being parents. We introduced her to our family and friends. We navigated sharing tasks. I struggled through pumping for 2 weeks and the journey of breastfeeding. We adjusted to less sleep. We learned how to graciously accept help. We learned how to buck up and do somethings on our own. We went to coffee shops to have little 30 minute chunks of normal life. We went on one successful walk. We learned she laughs in her sleep. We are still learning all the time.
It’s a really unique and intense time.
There are so many moments of really hard moments and moments of pure bliss in my life right now. Even though I am on a parenting journey, I do feel like our whole world is in a state of liquid time and extreme feelings. This pandemic has framed the world in such a different way for all of us. I feel like becoming a mom in the midst of this has given such depth to this weird experience. I can see my world experience this from my unique spot in the middle.
It’s a really unique and intense time.
I will admit these past few days have been hard. It’s my heart’s desire to meet all of the needs for my little baby, but I can’t communicate with her. I’m not able to meet every need at the right moment she needs it. I know that logically that’s expected, but my heart can’t take it. It’s a weird thing God does to change you once you transition in to parenthood. My already tender heart has become so much more tender. With this new heartache, I am finding myself longing for the future. The days when I can talk to my daughter, the days when sleep will be easier to get, the days where she can do things for herself. While I think it’s a good thing to look ahead with anticipation, I am trying not to miss out on the moments of life and joy right now.
It’s a hard thing to live in the present when things aren’t comfortable or just down-right really hard. I have found that in a COVID world and in my first season of parenting this is really true.
So, how are you staying present? What struggles do you have with staying present?
We all know seasons come and change. This current season has felt so long, but it will change. I need to rejoice in the moments that God has laid out for me in it.
Dozens of Us 